If your soulmate is married to somebody else, and you miss the opportunity to send her or him Valentine gifts today, consider self-marriage. Seriously.

What is Self-Marriage?

Wikipedia defines self-marriage as “marriage by a person to himself or herself. Self-Marriage is a commitment to radically honor, value, and practice self-love and self-compassion in order to live a better life and help minimize the collective suffering of the world, one human experience at a time. It is a social movement and a daily practice acknowledging that we are in a relationship with ourselves, first and foremost. It is based on the question ‘if you were in a relationship with someone who treated you the way you treat yourself, would you choose to stay in this relationship?'”

Also known as sologamy, self-marriage “occurs when a religious ceremony takes place, creating a new union between a person’s physical body and his/her spirit. Sologamy commonly takes place in African tribal societies, such as the Hutu and Por’Quatzi tribes. These African tribesmen believe that when a person enters a sologamist marriage, the human body and the spirit cease to exist separately and a new being, referred to as the ‘solar body,’ is born. Generally after the ceremony takes place, the tribe engages in three days of celebrations, including food and ceremonial dancing.”

Is self-marriage allowed?

According to Wikipedia “Sologamy is not recognized as a legal binding contract in North America, UK or most European countries. It is however recognized by many African governments as legal due to its tribal affiliations.”

Let’s review this in the light of new developments.

The only reason that thwarted self-marriage in most countries has been the religiously motivated ban on same-sex marriage… because, quite obviously, self-marriage is by definition necessarily a same-sex marriage.

With worldwide ethical standards becoming more tolerant and moving towards acceptance and legalization of same-sex marriages in many countries, one nice side-effect is that self-marriage may also automatically become legal there, as long as the local laws don’t contain explicit wording that stipulate that a marriage involves two different persons. There are good reasons to believe that most lawmakers would have forgotten to add this wording when they allowed same-sex marriages, because self-marriage is such an unusual concept in their minds.

So, if you’re living in a liberal and tolerant country or state which allows same-sex marriage now, be sure to check the legal status of self-marriage too. You may be in for a nice surprise. Or you may have to lobby your elected representative to fix the law.

Why self-marry?

People who self-marry do so for the usual reasons:

  • Have someone to love and take care for.
  • Change their social status from “bachelor” to “married”.
  • Use tax cuts and other benefits reserved to married people.
  • To enjoy the nice wedding ceremony!

And, the best of it all:

  • No messy divorce! :-)

Of course, self-married people may also send themselves Valentine gifts and enjoy this day. At least, they would be less lonely this way.